Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
And the Two Shall Become One Flesh
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Genesis 2:24
On the occasion of the first recorded marriage, after the creation of Adam and Eve, God said to them: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." One Flesh.
Though God himself doesn't perform our modern marriage ceremonies, when we are married in the presence of God, we are joined to our spouse far more significantly than "the powers vested by the state of" where ever could ever bond a couple. We are united to our partner and become one, one flesh, one body.
I think the closest I can come to comprehending the kind of commitment that comes from being "one flesh" is being a parent. My children are flesh of my flesh. I honestly love them more than my own life and will go to great lengths and incredible sacrifices for them. But, those same little people, at times, drive me absolutely crazy!!!
Now, imagine it's one of those days (today was close!) and we are at the playground when along comes a little guy who is (can it be?) cuter than my own. He's more captivating, more charismatic, and has the most charming smile and melodic laugh. Do I leave my son in the sandbox and take off into Utopia with my new-found angel? I can't even fathom that! But even if I could, I know that once I claimed this "perfect" little specimen as my own, I would begin to uncover reality. No one is perfect. The diapers of the perfect child stink just as bad as those padding the bottoms of my own children.
So why is it then, in marriage, too often people are quick to leave their own "flesh" at the curb? I don't ask this to condemn, as I have been there myself. But having been there, I know firsthand the ramifications of such a choice. I have never lost a finger or a toe or any part of my physical body, but through my own choices, I have lost a piece of my flesh - the flesh God created when he joined me in marriage to another. Losing a piece of your flesh, whether by your choice or not, leaves a mark on your heart, on your soul, on your memory... a mark you will never walk away from.
In the course of any marriage, the man or woman will likely encounter someone who is more attractive, more comical, more successful, more "caring", or more accommodating than their mate. There will likely be someone who comes along with the power to make one partner or the other "feel alive" again, or for the first time. Someone will probably make you wives feel beautiful. Someone will likely make you husbands feel more like a man. Newsflash: That someone also has flaws! Maybe he doesn't put his clothes in the hamper, forgets to put the seat down, or squeezes the toothpaste from the middle of the tube. Perhaps she is an indiscriminate spender, always leaves the dishes in the sink overnight, or hates all mothers-in-law. Should you choose to remove a piece of your own flesh to follow this "perfect" specimen, you'll find that nobody is perfect.
Today I am watching a scene unfold and praying for the man and the woman involved. I pray that there is a change of heart and that neither will have to suffer the lifelong pain of losing a piece of the flesh they are through their union in Christ. I wish I could get through and let one of them know the grass isn't greener. From where I stand, the words I hear sound too familiar and the heart seems too far gone, but in Christ all things are possible.
Please keep this couple in your prayers.
And tonight, if you are blessed enough to have an imperfect partner who leaves the seat up or doesn't always put their dishes in the sink, thank them for loving imperfect you, and thank God for the gift they are.
On the occasion of the first recorded marriage, after the creation of Adam and Eve, God said to them: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." One Flesh.
Though God himself doesn't perform our modern marriage ceremonies, when we are married in the presence of God, we are joined to our spouse far more significantly than "the powers vested by the state of" where ever could ever bond a couple. We are united to our partner and become one, one flesh, one body.
I think the closest I can come to comprehending the kind of commitment that comes from being "one flesh" is being a parent. My children are flesh of my flesh. I honestly love them more than my own life and will go to great lengths and incredible sacrifices for them. But, those same little people, at times, drive me absolutely crazy!!!
Now, imagine it's one of those days (today was close!) and we are at the playground when along comes a little guy who is (can it be?) cuter than my own. He's more captivating, more charismatic, and has the most charming smile and melodic laugh. Do I leave my son in the sandbox and take off into Utopia with my new-found angel? I can't even fathom that! But even if I could, I know that once I claimed this "perfect" little specimen as my own, I would begin to uncover reality. No one is perfect. The diapers of the perfect child stink just as bad as those padding the bottoms of my own children.
So why is it then, in marriage, too often people are quick to leave their own "flesh" at the curb? I don't ask this to condemn, as I have been there myself. But having been there, I know firsthand the ramifications of such a choice. I have never lost a finger or a toe or any part of my physical body, but through my own choices, I have lost a piece of my flesh - the flesh God created when he joined me in marriage to another. Losing a piece of your flesh, whether by your choice or not, leaves a mark on your heart, on your soul, on your memory... a mark you will never walk away from.
In the course of any marriage, the man or woman will likely encounter someone who is more attractive, more comical, more successful, more "caring", or more accommodating than their mate. There will likely be someone who comes along with the power to make one partner or the other "feel alive" again, or for the first time. Someone will probably make you wives feel beautiful. Someone will likely make you husbands feel more like a man. Newsflash: That someone also has flaws! Maybe he doesn't put his clothes in the hamper, forgets to put the seat down, or squeezes the toothpaste from the middle of the tube. Perhaps she is an indiscriminate spender, always leaves the dishes in the sink overnight, or hates all mothers-in-law. Should you choose to remove a piece of your own flesh to follow this "perfect" specimen, you'll find that nobody is perfect.
Today I am watching a scene unfold and praying for the man and the woman involved. I pray that there is a change of heart and that neither will have to suffer the lifelong pain of losing a piece of the flesh they are through their union in Christ. I wish I could get through and let one of them know the grass isn't greener. From where I stand, the words I hear sound too familiar and the heart seems too far gone, but in Christ all things are possible.
Please keep this couple in your prayers.
And tonight, if you are blessed enough to have an imperfect partner who leaves the seat up or doesn't always put their dishes in the sink, thank them for loving imperfect you, and thank God for the gift they are.
Friday, June 25, 2010
What is a Family?
"Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you." Exodus 20:12
I woke up this morning to an email about "roles and titles" in our family. My "family" is about as nontraditional as they come. I have a Mom, and a Mom and Dad, and in-laws I call Mom and Dad. I have grandparents, in-law-type grandparents, siblings, step-siblings, step-nephews, nieces who are adopted by a step-father so legally part of another family though still very much in mine, a husband who is a step-dad to my kids, sons who are half-brothers, a son who has other brothers and a mom. Our family tree is full of branches,sprouts, and saplings in the shade... and I love it!
Mother's Day and Father's Day are always interesting holidays in our home. I work very hard to balance a recognition for all Father's/Mother's in our childrens' lives, as well as my own. This year, we celebrated Father's Day with other families and honored all of the fathers present.
My husband is for the first time, an "official" father-to-be, but to say he isn't a father already would be to downplay what he does do. He doesn't want to ever take the place of our sons' biological dads, but he will be the best male-parent role-model and example of a loving husband he can be.
In his Father's Day card, I wrote him this on "What is a Dad":
A man isn't a dad just because he caused a child to come into the world. Dad is the man who is perched beside Mom with the camera ready when a baby takes his first steps. He's the man who stays up late into the night putting together a little boy's first tricycle. Dad's right there with Mom at the Emergency Room at any hour day or night when a fever spikes or a cough doesn't sound right. He's "Santa" and the "Tooth Fairy" and every other holiday icon. He's running behind the two wheeler holding the seat while Mom clicks pictures from the sidewalk. He's the man who works all day and comes home to practice football drills in the backyard with a 6-year old who has quarterback dreams. He's a wrestling opponent, a horse, a knight, or strong arms to cradle a hurting child.
Dad is the man who stays by Mom's side from the beginning. He holds her hand when the ultrasound shows it's another boy. He's sitting bedside at every trip to Labor and Delivery and breathing a sigh of relief when the doctor gives the all clear. He rubs Mom's swollen feet and helps around the house. He talks softly to his little man each night with his hand resting gently on Mom's ever growing belly. He'll be the first eyes his son looks into, and one of the first voices welcoming his little one into the world. And then... he'll be the man who is perched beside Mom with the camera ready when baby takes his first steps... the man who stays up late into the night putting together a little boy's first tricycle... the man next to Mom at the Emergency Room... "Santa"... the "Tooth Fairy"...
I choose to honor him for the father he is and the father he will be. I choose to honor my son's step-mom for the woman she is and the love she gives him every day when I can't be there. I choose to honor my sons' biological fathers because they are a part of who my sons are and the identities they hold dear.
Sure, it can get confusing. Sure there was tension at various points, but the one constant has been love.
I woke up this morning to an email about "roles and titles" in our family. My "family" is about as nontraditional as they come. I have a Mom, and a Mom and Dad, and in-laws I call Mom and Dad. I have grandparents, in-law-type grandparents, siblings, step-siblings, step-nephews, nieces who are adopted by a step-father so legally part of another family though still very much in mine, a husband who is a step-dad to my kids, sons who are half-brothers, a son who has other brothers and a mom. Our family tree is full of branches,sprouts, and saplings in the shade... and I love it!
Mother's Day and Father's Day are always interesting holidays in our home. I work very hard to balance a recognition for all Father's/Mother's in our childrens' lives, as well as my own. This year, we celebrated Father's Day with other families and honored all of the fathers present.
My husband is for the first time, an "official" father-to-be, but to say he isn't a father already would be to downplay what he does do. He doesn't want to ever take the place of our sons' biological dads, but he will be the best male-parent role-model and example of a loving husband he can be.
In his Father's Day card, I wrote him this on "What is a Dad":
A man isn't a dad just because he caused a child to come into the world. Dad is the man who is perched beside Mom with the camera ready when a baby takes his first steps. He's the man who stays up late into the night putting together a little boy's first tricycle. Dad's right there with Mom at the Emergency Room at any hour day or night when a fever spikes or a cough doesn't sound right. He's "Santa" and the "Tooth Fairy" and every other holiday icon. He's running behind the two wheeler holding the seat while Mom clicks pictures from the sidewalk. He's the man who works all day and comes home to practice football drills in the backyard with a 6-year old who has quarterback dreams. He's a wrestling opponent, a horse, a knight, or strong arms to cradle a hurting child.
Dad is the man who stays by Mom's side from the beginning. He holds her hand when the ultrasound shows it's another boy. He's sitting bedside at every trip to Labor and Delivery and breathing a sigh of relief when the doctor gives the all clear. He rubs Mom's swollen feet and helps around the house. He talks softly to his little man each night with his hand resting gently on Mom's ever growing belly. He'll be the first eyes his son looks into, and one of the first voices welcoming his little one into the world. And then... he'll be the man who is perched beside Mom with the camera ready when baby takes his first steps... the man who stays up late into the night putting together a little boy's first tricycle... the man next to Mom at the Emergency Room... "Santa"... the "Tooth Fairy"...
I choose to honor him for the father he is and the father he will be. I choose to honor my son's step-mom for the woman she is and the love she gives him every day when I can't be there. I choose to honor my sons' biological fathers because they are a part of who my sons are and the identities they hold dear.
Sure, it can get confusing. Sure there was tension at various points, but the one constant has been love.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Politics are not good for ones health!
Today, I am expressing discontent with both my President, and some of my fellow Americans. Monday is Memorial Day. As a veteran who spent 8 years on active duty, and as a military wife who is called on to kiss my husband goodbye and let him walk into harm's way at a moment's notice, Memorial Day has special meaning to me.
Arlington National Cemetery also has special meaning to me and many active duty members and veterans worldwide. It's not just a place - it's a symbol of all who gave the ultimate sacrifice for the freedoms we enjoy in this country. It is where people I personally know, and those who I never had to fortune of knowing but am connected to by virtue of our being comrades in arms, are laid to rest.
Since 1992, when we were not at war, on only one occasion has an American President foregone the Memorial Day Service at Arlington National Cemetery. That was when President Bush joined Veterans Affairs Secretary Anthony Principi, Secretary of State Colin Powell, and a bipartisan congressional delegation for services at the American cemetery in Normandy, France, honoring those who paid the ultimate sacrifice on D-Day on the beaches at Normandy. The joint visit of this grooup
sacrif
Today, I am expressing discontent with both my President, and some of my fellow Americans. Monday is Memorial Day. As a veteran who spent 8 years on active duty, and as a military wife who is called on to kiss my husband goodbye and let him walk into harm's way at a moment's notice, Memorial Day has special meaning to me.
Arlington National Cemetery also has special meaning to me and many active duty members and veterans worldwide. It's not just a place - it's a symbol of all who gave the ultimate sacrifice for the freedoms we enjoy in this country. It is where people I personally know, and those who I never had to fortune of knowing but am connected to by virtue of our being comrades in arms, are laid to rest.
Since 1992, when we were not at war, on only one occasion has an American President foregone the Memorial Day Service at Arlington National Cemetery. That was when President Bush joined Veterans Affairs Secretary Anthony Principi, Secretary of State Colin Powell, and a bipartisan congressional delegation for services at the American cemetery in Normandy, France, honoring those who paid the ultimate sacrifice on D-Day on the beaches at Normandy. The joint visit of this grooup
sacrif
Thursday, April 15, 2010
The Work of the Master
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2
My husband and I decided that we needed to update some things around the house. Actually, I decided it - Nick was roped in to be the unpaid manual labor and subject matter expert (he even dragged his dad along for the fun). As "we" began with the "little" jobs (we = them working and me noting approval or disapproval), we began to feel like we were on the HGTV show, Income Property. It seems that every episode of that show goes the same way. The host comes in, looks over the property, suggests some improvements and gives a cost estimate. Then, about 20 minutes into the show, you hear the inevitable "Oh no!" The host and his cadre of contractors have found something unexpected - corroded pipes, faulty wiring, mold - and the estimate skyrockets.
As soon as Nick and his dad started with replacing light fixtures, I heard the "Oh no!" Apparently, the former owners of the home were quite savvy at "good enough" fixes. They too had replaced light fixtures (and later we learned, appliances), but had done so in a more creative way (read: completely wrong and somewhat dangerous)! Thank goodness my father-in-law is skilled with electricity and my husband is a stickler for doing things right. Together, they redid the wiring, and installed my new lights - then my husband redid the wiring on the appliances and installed my new range and microwave hood. Of course, all the jobs passed my quality inspection!
Though I will admit to being very frustrated in the process of some of these projects, in the end, I saw it as a learning point and it got me thinking. As a Christian, how often do I opt for the "good enough" fix rather than really doing what God's word requires of me? How many times have I started working in a ministry or a new study, but then allowed my fervor to wane when things were "good enough" only running back to God when the project (or my life) was a total mess?
Jesus is described in Romans as the "author and perfecter of our faith". Not just the author - but the perfecter. He doesn't start a good work and leave it for us to figure out. No, He carries it out to completion ("[H]e who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6) Can you imagine the mess if He started a good work in us and walked away?
Consider my house -- a master electrician put in the original wiring, and it was good. But he considered the job complete and moved on. Later, others came along, wanting to make improvements, but without the skill of the master guiding them, what they ended up with was a "good enough" product that doesn't pass muster. But had they turned to the master, fixing their eyes on him, and letting him guide them as they worked, what different results they would have had!
Jesus knew the potential in each one of us when, "for the joy set before him [he] endured the cross." Who are we to take the work of the ultimate Master and muddle it into something that's only "good enough". As Christians, we have the honor of going straight to the throne of the Master for his guidance... and even better, He's already paid the price for all of it.
Lord, help me to avoid the pitfall of making things "good enough" and instead to seek you and your way in all I do - not just when things start to fall apart.
My husband and I decided that we needed to update some things around the house. Actually, I decided it - Nick was roped in to be the unpaid manual labor and subject matter expert (he even dragged his dad along for the fun). As "we" began with the "little" jobs (we = them working and me noting approval or disapproval), we began to feel like we were on the HGTV show, Income Property. It seems that every episode of that show goes the same way. The host comes in, looks over the property, suggests some improvements and gives a cost estimate. Then, about 20 minutes into the show, you hear the inevitable "Oh no!" The host and his cadre of contractors have found something unexpected - corroded pipes, faulty wiring, mold - and the estimate skyrockets.
As soon as Nick and his dad started with replacing light fixtures, I heard the "Oh no!" Apparently, the former owners of the home were quite savvy at "good enough" fixes. They too had replaced light fixtures (and later we learned, appliances), but had done so in a more creative way (read: completely wrong and somewhat dangerous)! Thank goodness my father-in-law is skilled with electricity and my husband is a stickler for doing things right. Together, they redid the wiring, and installed my new lights - then my husband redid the wiring on the appliances and installed my new range and microwave hood. Of course, all the jobs passed my quality inspection!
Though I will admit to being very frustrated in the process of some of these projects, in the end, I saw it as a learning point and it got me thinking. As a Christian, how often do I opt for the "good enough" fix rather than really doing what God's word requires of me? How many times have I started working in a ministry or a new study, but then allowed my fervor to wane when things were "good enough" only running back to God when the project (or my life) was a total mess?
Jesus is described in Romans as the "author and perfecter of our faith". Not just the author - but the perfecter. He doesn't start a good work and leave it for us to figure out. No, He carries it out to completion ("[H]e who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6) Can you imagine the mess if He started a good work in us and walked away?
Consider my house -- a master electrician put in the original wiring, and it was good. But he considered the job complete and moved on. Later, others came along, wanting to make improvements, but without the skill of the master guiding them, what they ended up with was a "good enough" product that doesn't pass muster. But had they turned to the master, fixing their eyes on him, and letting him guide them as they worked, what different results they would have had!
Jesus knew the potential in each one of us when, "for the joy set before him [he] endured the cross." Who are we to take the work of the ultimate Master and muddle it into something that's only "good enough". As Christians, we have the honor of going straight to the throne of the Master for his guidance... and even better, He's already paid the price for all of it.
Lord, help me to avoid the pitfall of making things "good enough" and instead to seek you and your way in all I do - not just when things start to fall apart.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Ask and it shall be given
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:7-11
The last few days I have been frustrated with my 6-year old. Whenever he wants something, he tells me what he has and what he doesn't have, and occasionally what he needs (usually while whining) but never asks for the thing that he wants. Instead, he whines that he was thirsty "all night" or that he has crayons and a notebook but no paper. Why can't he just ask me for what he needs? I will be more than happy to give him a glass of water or a stack of drawing paper!
As I was thinking about how much this was driving me crazy, I felt like God was saying, "Sound familiar?" And you know what? It does. I know I tell God what I am worried about, I talk to him about what I have and what I am lacking, but do I ask him for those things? Or am I just whining to the creator of the universe?
Seeing ourselves in our kids can be a humbling experience. Lord, help me to learn from my children, and help me see when I am 'whining' and instead learn to ask for my needs.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
A New Thing
"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19
Sometimes life doesn't turn out the way we planned it.
As soon as I put the period on the previous sentence, I laughed out loud. Talk about the understatement of the century! But today, at least personally, I am referring to one thing in particular - my career.
I will admit, I have never known what I want to be when I grow up. Rather, I have flitted through life and whenever the next great thing came along, I jumped on it with enthusiasm. The last "next great thing" I found - which required three years of law school, a grueling bar exam, and plenty of job-specific training - I really thought would be the "last great thing" [and the angels burst into fits of laughter], but it turns out I was wrong again.
For whatever reason I may never understand, God had a different plan. So instead of blossoming into a female Lt Daniel Kaffee, I'll be turning in my combat boots for crayons and my meetings for play dates. I am going to be the one thing I never imagined as I paraded all the "possibilities" of life through my mind - I'm going to be a Stay At Home Mom!
After the initial shock of this major life twist, Nick and I are really excited about the possibilities. Imagine actually getting to raise the child you brought into this world? Being the first person to see their first step or hear their first word. Being there to kiss away the hurts. Having the time to be silly and play instead of always prepping for the workday ahead. I can't wait to get to spend more time with my kids and get to know them in a way I never have had the chance to.
God is doing a new thing in the life of my family, and I can't wait to see how it turns out!
Sometimes life doesn't turn out the way we planned it.
As soon as I put the period on the previous sentence, I laughed out loud. Talk about the understatement of the century! But today, at least personally, I am referring to one thing in particular - my career.
I will admit, I have never known what I want to be when I grow up. Rather, I have flitted through life and whenever the next great thing came along, I jumped on it with enthusiasm. The last "next great thing" I found - which required three years of law school, a grueling bar exam, and plenty of job-specific training - I really thought would be the "last great thing" [and the angels burst into fits of laughter], but it turns out I was wrong again.
For whatever reason I may never understand, God had a different plan. So instead of blossoming into a female Lt Daniel Kaffee, I'll be turning in my combat boots for crayons and my meetings for play dates. I am going to be the one thing I never imagined as I paraded all the "possibilities" of life through my mind - I'm going to be a Stay At Home Mom!
After the initial shock of this major life twist, Nick and I are really excited about the possibilities. Imagine actually getting to raise the child you brought into this world? Being the first person to see their first step or hear their first word. Being there to kiss away the hurts. Having the time to be silly and play instead of always prepping for the workday ahead. I can't wait to get to spend more time with my kids and get to know them in a way I never have had the chance to.
God is doing a new thing in the life of my family, and I can't wait to see how it turns out!
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Peace
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27
What is peace? Some define peace as the absence of something - the absence of war, or hostility. For children of the 60's, peace became something of an ideology. To me, peace is many things, but not something that's absent.
Jesus told us, "Peace I leave with you." It is His gift to us. I am sitting in my home enjoying the stillness while Carsten and Nick nap the afternoon away. This is peace. Driving to work in the warmth of my car, looking out at the snow that still covers the ground, and hearing Carsten point out every cow he sees along the way (and there are hundreds) is peace. Going to sleep at night, knowing men and women all over the world have sacrificed this luxury so that I can live the life I have is peace. Being confident that no matter how strong the wind or fierce the storm, my God is always in control is peace.
We live in hectic and uncertain times. Turmoil seems to lurk around every corner. But Jesus left us peace... all we have to do is take this wonderful gift He has given. I wish you all a very blessed start of the new year and the new decade - but most of all, I wish you all peace.
What is peace? Some define peace as the absence of something - the absence of war, or hostility. For children of the 60's, peace became something of an ideology. To me, peace is many things, but not something that's absent.
Jesus told us, "Peace I leave with you." It is His gift to us. I am sitting in my home enjoying the stillness while Carsten and Nick nap the afternoon away. This is peace. Driving to work in the warmth of my car, looking out at the snow that still covers the ground, and hearing Carsten point out every cow he sees along the way (and there are hundreds) is peace. Going to sleep at night, knowing men and women all over the world have sacrificed this luxury so that I can live the life I have is peace. Being confident that no matter how strong the wind or fierce the storm, my God is always in control is peace.
We live in hectic and uncertain times. Turmoil seems to lurk around every corner. But Jesus left us peace... all we have to do is take this wonderful gift He has given. I wish you all a very blessed start of the new year and the new decade - but most of all, I wish you all peace.
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