What is a Family?

"Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you." Exodus 20:12

I woke up this morning to an email about "roles and titles" in our family.  My "family" is about as nontraditional as they come.  I have a Mom, and a Mom and Dad, and in-laws I call Mom and Dad.  I have grandparents, in-law-type grandparents, siblings, step-siblings, step-nephews, nieces who are adopted by a step-father so legally part of another family though still very much in mine, a husband who is a step-dad to my kids, sons who are half-brothers, a son who has other brothers and a mom.  Our family tree is full of branches,sprouts, and saplings in the shade... and I love it!

Mother's Day and Father's Day are always interesting holidays in our home.  I work very hard to balance a recognition for all Father's/Mother's in our childrens' lives, as well as my own.  This year, we celebrated Father's Day with other families and honored all of the fathers present. 

My husband is for the first time, an "official" father-to-be, but to say he isn't a father already would be to downplay what he does do.  He doesn't want to ever take the place of our sons' biological dads, but he will be the best male-parent role-model and example of a loving husband he can be.

In his Father's Day card, I wrote him this on "What is a Dad":

A man isn't a dad just because he caused a child to come into the world.  Dad is the man who is perched beside Mom with the camera ready when a baby takes his first steps.  He's the man who stays up late into the night putting together a little boy's first tricycle.  Dad's right there with Mom at the Emergency Room at any hour day or night when a fever spikes or a cough doesn't sound right.  He's "Santa" and the "Tooth Fairy" and every other holiday icon.  He's running behind the two wheeler holding the seat while Mom clicks pictures from the sidewalk.  He's the man who works all day and comes home to practice football drills in the backyard with a 6-year old who has quarterback dreams.  He's a wrestling opponent, a horse, a knight, or strong arms to cradle a hurting child. 

Dad is the man who stays by Mom's side from the beginning.  He holds her hand when the ultrasound shows it's another boy.  He's sitting bedside at every trip to Labor and Delivery and breathing a sigh of relief when the doctor gives the all clear.  He rubs Mom's swollen feet and helps around the house.  He talks softly to his little man each night with his hand resting gently on Mom's ever growing belly.  He'll be the first eyes his son looks into, and one of the first voices welcoming his little one into the world.  And then... he'll be the man who is perched beside Mom with the camera ready when baby takes his first steps... the man who stays up late into the night putting together a little boy's first tricycle... the man next to Mom at the Emergency Room... "Santa"... the "Tooth Fairy"...

I choose to honor him for the father he is and the father he will be.  I choose to honor my son's step-mom for the woman she is and the love she gives him every day when I can't be there.  I choose to honor my sons' biological fathers because they are a part of who my sons are and the identities they hold dear. 


Sure, it can get confusing.  Sure there was tension at various points, but the one constant has been love.