Even in the Desert...

"Be careful to follow every command I am giving you today, so that you may live and increase and may enter and possess the land the Lord promised on oath to your ancestors. 2 Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. . . 6 Observe the commands of the Lord your God, walking in obedience to him and revering him. 7 For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land —a land with brooks, streams, and deep springs gushing out into the valleys and hills; 8 a land with wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey; 9 a land where bread will not be scarce and you will lack nothing; a land where the rocks are iron and you can dig copper out of the hills. 10 When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you." ~ Deuteronomy 8:1-10

I read these verses as part of my daily devotional this morning, and boy did I ever need to hear their message.

My family is a military family.  I spent 8 years on active duty with the Air Force.  My husband is currently in year 10 of his service.  When I joined the military, I was excited for the adventure - see new places, meet new people, engage in exciting missions.  In my first six and a half years, the Air Force let me live in Alabama, Germany, Mississippi, Texas, and Virginia, and my duties took me to 27 countries and 37 different US states.  My husband lived in Colorado, Mississippi, Oklahoma, and Washington state, and regularly flew his C-17 to points all over the globe.  It was a whirlwind of adventure.

Then in my last year and a half of service, I moved to New Mexico, and my soon-to-be husband also took an assignment here... and it all stopped.

Four years, almost 2 more kids (one is due in 5 weeks), and a second house (to fit our growing family) later, here we are.  His daily grind in the new aircraft and the new mission he joined to be with me here has become only more grinding and some days, completely pulverizing.

And even though I did my own time in the service and I know the drill -- salute sharply and execute - period -- it doesn't always make the sacrifice any easier.

If you've read previous blogs, you know our four years here have been rewarding, but also challenging - our marriage, court battles, the loss of a child, career changes, the birth of a child, more court battles, the coming of another baby - you name it.  And recently, I have begun to get discouraged in still being here.  It's time to move on.  It seems everyone else who relocated when we did is at least one, if not two assignments removed from this place.  Among those who haven't moved yet, it seems like there's at least a light at the end of their tunnel - a new airframe, a staff job... yet here we sit.  The few other families who are still hanging in on a similar timeline seem to be having a similar experience.  This particular job and location take a toll unlike other assignments for many reasons.

I will also be completely honest - I am tired of being away from my family, and they are definitely not coming here!  For once I would like to have a baby with my family present (not that I don't love every one of the girlfriends at the different points of the globe who've stepped in to help with my three previous births - but selfishly, I do want my mom or sisters around).  I want to be able to just pop in and say "hi" to my parents, I want to have coffee with one of my many siblings without traveling 8 - 12 hours to do so.  I want my kids to see their cousins at church with them on Sunday.

But, right now, that isn't part of the plan.  And that's okay.  When God led the Israelites into the desert, He provided for them.  For 40 years "[their] clothes did not wear out and [their] feet did not swell" (Deuteronomy 8:4).  They weren't "home" - they weren't in the land God had planned for them to flourish.  They were in the desert - in a transient place.  I am sure the journey was grinding and sometimes pulverizing.  I am sure their families sometimes got discouraged.  But God met their every need.  And God has met our every need.  We have a beautiful home, well-adjusted children, and amazing network of friends and surrogate family here in New Mexico.  We are part of a loving, mission-minded church.  Our church family has embraced us and our children just as if we were "home folk".  We have become a part of this community and love the people.

So my prayer today is that I will remember: that there is a promised future; that when God tests my heart and humbles me, that I will keep His commands; that though this time is challenging, something else is coming - and when it does we will "praise the Lord [our] God for the good land he has given us."  And I pray we keep our eyes focused, lest we forget to "observe the commands of the Lord your God, walking in obedience to him and revering him" (Deuteronomy 8:6).  And most of all, I pray I will keep close to my heart and mind all the good and wonderful things He has given us through our time here in New Mexico - relationships, blessings, lessons learned - and we trust and believe there's so much more yet to come.  Thank you, Lord, for our time here.

Thank you, Lord, for reminding me today to trust you.