Out with the old...

"There is a time for everything,and a season for every activity under heaven:a time to be born and a time to die,a time to plant and a time to uproot,a time to kill and a time to heal,a time to tear down and a time to build,a time to weep and a time to laugh,a time to mourn and a time to dance,a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,a time to embrace and a time to refrain,a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,a time to tear and a time to mend,a time to be silent and a time to speak,a time to love and a time to hate,a time for war and a time for peace."  Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

As 2009 comes to a close, I find myself doing what most people tend to do ~ reflecting on the year gone by and anticipating the year ahead.  When the clock struck midnight last New Year's Eve, Nick and I had visions of 2009, "Our Best Year Yet," and anticipated the coming year and all we were sure it would hold.  We would be married in April, Dylan would start Kindergarten in September, we'd start on an addition to the family, we'd both move forward in our careers - we bascially had it all figured out.

Things started out as planned.  Nick settled into his new squadron, we both garnered Company Grade Officer honors, I got my certification as a JAG, wedding plans were going great.  2009 was definitely going to be our "Best."

But, then came the rain ~ not a sprinkling, but a torrential downpour.  On the way to our wedding, I was served with court papers.  The ripple effect of that act canceled our honeymoon, led to months of travel and court dates, and ultimately changed where Dylan would go to school.  As we were still spinning from that go around, we found out we were expecting.  From so low, to as high as ever.  Then there was more legal interference.  While I juggled that, Nick left for training (part of the gig when you're in the Air Force).  Then, a few days later, I lost our baby.  Complications from the miscarriage put me in the hospital.  Thank you Lord for the friends who stepped in to care for Carsten and try to make some of this easier.  Once I was out of the hospital, the legal onslaught came even stronger.  And, just when we thought we were done with the fights of this year, I learned my career was about to face a very abrupt change.

Whew.  What a year.  Not what we planned.  Not what we prepared for.  But still, we're here.  A little battle scarred, and maybe nursing a few injuries, but still moving forward.

Friends who don't have faith question how we stand it and press on.  Honestly, when you look at us from the outside, you might think "Whatever they've got, if it allows them to have to face all of that, I don't want it."  But, we know that,no matter how monstrous it all seems, these are merely "light and momentary trials."  God's word promises us that for everything there is a season.  So we thank God for bringing us through the seasons we have weathered so far and we cling to Him in anticipation of what lies ahead.

And you know what, 2009 was the "Best Year Yet" and we can't wait to take the ride 2010 has in store.

The Roller-Coaster

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2-3

"Ah... my poor husband!" So many sentiments that I share tend to start that way!

Most recently, I've had this thought in terms of the roller-coaster ride he's been on for 2 years and 2 months now.

My life took a turn off the rosy path I had envisioned for myself a long time ago! And almost as soon as I stepped off that road, the twists, turns, and tumbles started to multiply! But, after a while, you become almost immune to it. Kind of like the guy who set the world record by riding a roller-coaster for 147 hours straight! All of the motion becomes a new normal. I will never forget - my second year of law school, I called my sister and told her that I had just heard that "normal people" didn't think "XYZ." She confirmed that was actually true and I was SHOCKED! I had always assumed everyone else's thought patterns and processes were just like mine. But, as it turned out, I was the anomaly. My "new normal" had become so much a part of my life that it wasn't even "new" anymore, it just was.

So imagine a man who maybe hadn't lived his entire life on easy street, but somewhere close... and take him from the "blue" slopes of life and stick him on a "double diamond" and sit back and watch the scene unfold. That's essentially what I did with Nick.

He's still learning what the "new normal" is for him. He still has days when his eyes get wide as saucers and he stares at me as if maybe I haven't fully grasped the gravity of what's going on. But like I said, for me... this is just normal.

In our wedding vows, we promised to "Consider it joy" when we face trials because we "know that the testing of [our] faith develops perseverance." THAT has been the hardest of all our vows to live up to, and believe me, we have been given ample opportunity!

Just like the roller-coaster with its dips, twists, loops, and turns... this life is going to take us for a ride. Thank goodness we have God and each other to get us through. So, as we head into the next ride (and it seems there's always one around the corner), I say - let's just throw our hands in the air, savor the thrill, and "Consider it PURE JOY!" BRING IT!

My best friends make up what I call my "court of crazies." When I first met the core of this crew, two of us were in law school and the third was married to a fellow student. We met at the welcome reception. In a sea of perfectly normal people, the three of us were drawn to one another. I used to joke that it was our "crazy: rada

Preparing for the Feast

"The kingdom of heaven is like a king who prepared a wedding banquet for his son..." Matthew 22:2-14

Every day I spend with my husband is a day I am reminded just how much men and women are both different and the same.

Nick was recently away for some time with his job (62 days... I wasn't counting or anything). While he was gone he found a "new favorite" local restaurant. As his time away drew to a close, he knew his opportunities to go to this restaurant were slipping by. So, he made plans to go there "one last time" with some of his friends. The day of that feast, he "prepared" for his meal all day. He didn't eat. Who does that? Well, apparently he does. He wanted to make sure he was completely ready -- hungry enough to truly savor every bite.

Women too prepare for things, but in a way that (to me, at least) makes much more sense. For instance, any woman who's ever been a bride or a bridesmaid has probably endured the 48-hour tan-wax-mani/pedi-long bath-hair dressing ritual that often leads up to a wedding. This preparation is much more about indulgence than deprivation, and frankly I imagine has to be more pleasurable than starving oneself.

Man or woman, we've all prepared for something at some point. But what are we as Christians doing to prepare for the ultimate Feast -- the Wedding to end all weddings?

Jesus told the parable of a wedding banquet, given by the King, and many were invited, but those who were not prepared were not allowed in. "For many are invited, but few are chosen." (Matthew 22:14)

Am I ready for THE Wedding? If Christ called me to the Feast today, I fear my entrance may be more akin to the mascara-smeared, smoking hair, shrunken-dress wearing bride of my pre-wedding nightmares than that which I am called to be.

But how do you prepare for such an event? I think both men and women have some things right in this respect. We have to "starve" ourselves, depriving our hearts of sinful indulgences, inducing a hunger for Christ, His teachings, and His righteousness. We must expose ourselves to the SON, until His glow can be seen in us -- bathe ourselves in prayer -- and refine our rough edges until we are a reflection of His spirit.

I guess my husband's logic isn't completely off after all.

"I knew you... and chose you anyway"

"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you." Jeremiah 1:5

How amazing is it that God, the author of all things, knowing full well the roads we would walk and the choices we'd make in this life, still loves us and showers us with Grace?

Early in my relationship with my husband, I knew I was in love with him, and I also knew he was in love with me - and it scared me to death. I was scared because I thought he didn't know me. I thought if he knew all the bad choices I had made and all the ugly paths I'd traveled, he'd realize he deserved better than what he was falling for.

But, God used that to teach me an important lesson. Where I have been is not who I am.

Where have I been? I started out okay. I did well in school. I went to a Christian university. I married my college sweetheart and graduated at the top of my class. Two years later, I was divorced and living life my own way. I was a waitress in a "gentleman's club," I was a "beer girl" in a bar. I married a near stranger and got that annulled within months. I married again, had a child, and divorced within three years. I made one attempt at finding a church, but the receptionist, after asking about the tattoo on my ankle, told me "there's another church in town where you might be more comfortable." I decided not to find out. The next year, I was single and pregnant with another child. I found myself using terms like "damaged goods" in reference to myself. But one day, I realized.... even on those roads, I never traveled alone. God never left me. I was completely broken when I thought of the pain I must have caused Him... He who had already suffered greatly for me. And what an insult to think of myself as "damaged" - before He formed me in the womb, HE KNEW ME, and yet He still chose to bring me into being, He still gave His son for me.

So who am I? I am a redeemed, beloved, forgiven creation of a gracious and merciful God... and, I am the wife of the most wonderful man I've ever known! God is good.

Dylan and Grace - Out of the Mouths of Babes

Sometimes you just have to stop and thank God
for the little gifts - joy, laughter, and the blessings we get from time with our children.

Last week when we were in Dallas, we got to spend some time with one of Dylan's oldest friends, Grace. Dylan and Grace's first play date took place when she was only 11 months old and he was about 21 months. They have been in each other's lives ever since and have experienced the divorce of both of their parents, and the remarriage of three of the four, both have new step-siblings, and a sometimes too-grown-up understanding of the uglier parts of life.

Still, they are a blessing to everyone fortunate enough to know them. When we were in Dallas, we got to witness a lot of entertaining Dylan and Grace interactions - thought we'd share them with you.

Upon arrival:
Grace: Dylan, do you want to see my dress for the wedding?
Dylan: Sure. Grace, you're probably going to look really pretty in that.
G: I don't know, we'll see.
D: You're right - with girls, you just never know.

At the wedding photos, Nick picked up Grace to carry her so that her dress wouldn't get dirty:
Nick: Grace, you are SO light!
Grace: It's because I haven't been tanning!

On the way home from the wedding:
Dylan: So, you think we should get married?
Grace: Probably.
D: So when do you want to?
G: How 'bout when we're 8?
Mom (from the front seat): How 'bout when you're 27?!
D&G: 27?!
D: I know, let's just say 20.
Mom: Nope - 29.
Dylan to Grace: So you want to just move in together?
Grace: That's a good idea.

On the way home from Medieval Times:
Grace: Lola, are you and Nick married?
Mom: Yes we are. Remember the big party you came to with us? The next day we got married. But you weren't there so Dylan didn't have a beautiful little girl to walk down the aisle with.
Dylan (interrupting - 1 finger lifted in the air): Uh, Mom - you forgot.
Mom: What?
Dylan: There was a beautiful girl there. Grace, can you guess her name?
Grace: [SILENCE - arms crossed]
Dylan: Come on, Grace. It was J... Je.... can you guess it? Jess...
Mom: Dylan, it was Jessica. But she didn't walk down the aisle with you.
Dylan: No, but she was beautiful and I did dance with her.
Grace (interrupting): The other day I was just sitting at my table at school - just sitting there, and Charlie came up and said, "Grace, your hair looks SO pretty." And I have no idea why he said that, I mean he just walked right up out of the blue.

And then thankfully we were home... wow, it's starting early!


However, my truly favorite moment of the weekend came right before the wedding started - Nick was ushering guests to their seats, I was finishing covering a few things with the pianist - and in the back row of the church I saw them -- both sitting with heads bowed, eyes closed, praying.

I asked them when they were finished, what they were praying for - Dylan said "the bride and groom need help!" Out of the mouths of babes...

What Is Unseen

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

A very influential man in my life once told me not to measure the success of anything in my life by a day, a week, a month... rather, to experience everything, and when it's over, look back and take stock. The distance from the moment lets you look objectively at things and appreciate all of it, good and bad.

For the last several years, life has been a series of challenges. Some have been minor and some have rocked the very core of everything I ever thought I knew. My husband learned a whole "new normal" of challenges when he became a part of our family. If we measured this life by the day or the moment, I don't know how we would have the strength to go on. And often, just when we feel that we are finally reaching an altitude above the clouds, something else comes along to knock us down.

Right now, I feel like my heart is crushed to its end. In my husband's voice, I hear his pain, wrought by the most recent downpour. I am afraid to say "what next" for fear I might find out. So we just keep moving forward, waiting for the break we know we're promised as followers of Christ. These "light and momentary troubles are creating for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."

Here in New Mexico, it's almost always sunny - but not today. Today, the clouds have darkened the sky. But, even when I look up and can see nothing but gray skies overhead, I still know the sun is there.

At times, our life may seem mired in clouds and storms. But we fix our eyes, not on the clouds or the moments we are struggling through, but on the SON. He never fails.

Whither thou goest...

"Where you go, I will go; Where you lodge, I will lodge." Ruth 1:16

This verse is often used in weddings - we didn't use it in ours, though it's fitting. We may not always be "home" together, but we've learned that "home" is not an address. "Where you go, I will go" . . . sometimes that means meeting up for a day here or a day there.

"Where you lodge, I will lodge" . . . base billeting, a hotel, a friend's house, and yes, ever occasionally in our own home!

For a family of four, we sure know how to rack up the frequent flier miles! 2 weeks ago, I flew Carsten to DC, then I flew to CA to see Nick, then I took off on a cruise with my friend for a week, back to Nick in CA for three days, off to Dallas, Dylan arrived in Dallas on Friday night, Nick arrived Saturday morning, and this morning, all three of us flew off in different directions to start the week. We may not always get to be together, but we are family and we are always together in our hearts.

The last 2 months have been exciting, excruciating, heartbreaking, and hope filled. We're starting this blog for our friends and family members who want to follow our journey. I can't promise anything about the destination or the route, or even where we'll lodge - only that it will be full of surprises and in the end, no matter what, God will be glorified!